The Things We Missed
by OneDayGreatness
Summary: Mary Margaret muses as she rocks baby Neal to sleep, the night of There's No Place Like Home. One-shot.


**The Things We Missed**

_Mary Margaret muses while she rocks little Neal to sleep._

Mary Margaret didn't always know which part of her was doing the primary thinking in this world and it could be confusing, at times, dealing with the instincts and memories of two separate identities. Both were a part of who she was, two sides of the same coin, but it was...interesting. Interesting was the safest word for it. Snow White was so much more forthright and daring, while Mary Margaret was kind, sweet, and steadfast. But both sides of her were loving, loyal, and brave.

Just now, up with baby Neal in the night, sitting in an old rocking chair and watching the snow fall from the sky, she felt more like Snow White than Mary Margaret. Snow White had a baby once, a long time ago. Mary Margaret was a new mother. The fact of the matter was that Snow White felt cheated, her heart ached, and despite the new bundle of warmth in her arms she felt an intense ache for what she lost.

She missed so much of Emma's life - the two were now the same age, really, with the same amount of life experience thanks to Mary Margaret being frozen in Storybrooke, repeating her days over and over again. It hurt to acknowledge that Emma's words on Neverland rang true, that they had the same amount of life experience, that they were not there, that Emma considered herself to be a Lost Girl.

It was nice, of course, that Emma would be staying in Storybrooke to be part of the family. But that didn't change how many years they missed being together. The first smile, the first words, the first steps… Each were gone and there was no way for Snow White to regain those lost memories with her daughter. As beautiful as Neal was, as much as she loved him, he was himself and not a replacement for Emma.

When Emma smiled for the first time, who was smiling back at her? What did she say first, if it wasn't 'Mama,' as so many babies' first words were? Who held her hand when she took that first step? Who helped her up when she fell?

No one ever adopted Emma. No one gave her a family, a mom and a dad. She passed through the hands of strangers, never receiving the love of a family. Never. It crushed Snow White to know her daughter, a princess, grew up without the love of a family. No wonder it took her so long to believe in the magic, and no wonder it took her so long to give her heart to a family.

Now, all grown up, Emma was fierce in her desire to not need anyone. LIfe forced her to be independent and strong. Her real challenge now was learning how to be softer and to be vulnerable. Snow White wondered if she could ever truly be a mother to Emma or if she would always be...just Mary Margaret. Would Emma ever seek her advice as a parent or only ask her opinion as a friend? What would it be like, she wondered, if Emma DID come to her for advice? Was she wise enough to give it?

Neal fretted in his sleep, not accustomed to being out in the world yet, missing the warmth of the womb. She shushed him and hummed, continuing to rock in the chair.

David appeared beside her, kneeling next to her chair. "Want me to take a turn?" he asked softly.

Mary Margaret, first time mom, shook her head. "I don't like letting him out of my arms. We almost lost him, David."

"But we didn't." His voice was even and sure, his eyes gentle. "I told you we wouldn't."

"I'm so glad you were right." She kissed the baby's brow.

They sat in silence for a moment, watching their son frown in his sleep.

"One of my worst nightmares," David said softly, his eyes never leaving Neal's sweet face, "is reliving the day we lost Emma. I dream about it all the time, ever since we got our memories back. That, or I dream of her all grown up back in the Enchanted Forest, dancing at a ball. Something always happens at the ball to take her away from me."

Mary Margaret looked up at him, searching his expression and finding her own heartache mirrored back at her. "You would have been such a wonderful father to a little girl. She would've had you wrapped around her finger, though. I think you would've spoiled her."

His smile was bittersweet. "And because I didn't, no one did. There was no one to teach her how to tie her shoes, ride a horse, drive a car, or put the fear of God in any young man who so much as looked at her."

Mary Margaret nodded. "We thought we were giving her the best chance," Mary Margaret said softly. "We thought everything would be all right."

David sighed and shook his head. "If she had come with us, during the curse, she would have been a baby all this time and never broken it."

"All heroes must suffer and pass through trials before they are capable of conquering the world," Mary Margaret said, her eyes looking into the void.

David's whistle was low and soft. "That was deep, Your Highness. We should make a plaque."

She rolled her eyes and smiled sleepily. "I just miss it, David. I wish I had been there to do all those things with her as a little girl, to watch her make mistakes, to watch her grow, to teach her things."

"We can't torture ourselves over this, Mary Margaret. It would be too easy to be bitter, to have regrets. We have to look forward to the future, with Emma and Neal, with Henry. We might not be the most traditional kind of family, but we're still a family. We love each other. That's what counts."

"I wish we could have what Emma has, with Henry." At his raised eyebrows she sighed. "Regina gave them both memories, as if Emma never gave Henry up. Even now, now that they know the truth, they still have those memories of what might have been."

David frowned. "Those weren't real memories, Mary Marg-"

"I know!" she interrupted sharply, then bit her lip when Neal jumped in his sleep. She kissed his forehead. "Sorry, little prince."

"It still wouldn't be real, darling," he said, more softly, his hand on her cheek. "It would be supposition. It would be a guess."

"But it would be more than the blank I have now when I try to imagine what Emma looked like when she was two, or five, or fifteen." Mary Margaret carefully handed Neal to his father and stood, arching her back as she stretched. "Having Neal just makes it hurt more."

"But we have Emma back. She saved us, she saved everyone in Storybrooke." David followed her to the window and watched the silence of the snow fall. "We gave Emma her best chance, and she gave Henry his. Now look at us. We are all woven together in a way that never would have happened in the Enchanted Forest. We have friendships, family… Yes, my heart aches when I think of our baby girl alone in the world, thinking we abandoned her. But how can I - how can we - regret the woman she has become?"

Mary Margaret smiled a little, thinking of the embrace Emma shared with them upon returning from her adventure with Hook. "She is beautiful, isn't she? And strong."

"She is the best of both of us," David agreed. "She has your heart and courage, your stubborn streak."

"And your bravery." She touched his cheek. "And charm."

He chuckled and turned his head to kiss her fingertips. "Now, I think this little man is ready to try his crib out again. We need our sleep, darling."

"I know." She followed him back to the baby's room and watched from the doorway as he laid Neal down.

"You might get to do one thing with Emma that you always dreamed of," Mary Margaret said as he came back.

"What's that?"

"Well...I think you may have to have 'the talk' with her new boyfriend. That whole overprotective father bit."

David frowned. "Hook."

"Ah-ah," she warned, poking him with one finger. "You have the new memories as well as I do. He loves her, David. He risked everything to save her, on multiple occasions, and _you_ said-"

"I should never have told you about that," he said, taking her hand and guiding her back to their bed.

"David," she said with a laugh. "You can't exactly take it back."

"I know. I said Princess Leia's parents would be crazy not to approve of Prince Charles. But I didn't know all the circumstances then, and-"

Mary Margaret laughed. "See? You do overprotective really well."

"Why are you so positive about Hook all of the sudden?" he asked darkly, pulling the bedsheets back for his still-recovering wife.

"Because he has proved several times over just what lengths he would go to in order to protect Emma, including saving your life on multiple occasions to keep her family intact." Mary Margaret smiled one of her know-it-all grins and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Fine. I'll give Hook a chance. But I think having that talk with him might be a good idea."

"Wonderful. Maybe you should start giving him a chance, though, by remembering his real name."

"Jones? That just isn't as fun to say." David snuggled up next to her. "And then he doesn't sound like such a bad guy." He paused. "Oh. I see your point."

"Mmm. Good night, Charming," she said softly. "I love you. Thank you for talking."

"Anytime, Snow." He kissed her cheek. "I love you."

They got about two hours of sleep before Neal woke, ready to be fed again. Neither Prince Charming nor Snow White really minded. They wanted to spend every moment they could with their little boy.


End file.
